If you do not find anyone, you have the best doctor available all the time. He will never leave you alone. The Creator, Allah SWT. He knows you, He knows everything inside out. He is willing to forgive you. He loves forgiving, He can cleanse you, He can decorate you with qualities you do not possess, elevate you, pick you up from the dirt and polish you into a dazzling star, to be special in His Kingdom. He can even choose you to work for Him. He doesn't care about your sins, if you are willing to acknowledge that He is forgiving and merciful. If you trust Him and believe in Him, no such thing is too big or too bad. A wise man mentioned that falling down, making mistakes or committing sins is not the problem. The real problem is to continue and to not want to stop it.
Now, if you are honest and can strip away the layers that you have created, if you understand that you have a problem and you need to unify all your separate and disjointed personalities into a healthy whole, then turn to Allah for help and guidance. Now you are in the right hand. The Hand of Allah SWT, for He will guard you, take care of you, give you light and wisdom and a new identity. He can give you the happiness that others that you have been trying to impress cannot. He can show you the right road: being the real journey of success of this life and the hereafter.
All of the above, is called guidance. When Allah loves you, He guides you. When He guides you, He guides you to Himself, and by doing so, He allows you to know yourself. Now, you can capture yourself, you can recognise your weak points and strengths, you can read the signs, you can have a clear vision of where you are going. Now, you can make the right decisions to achieve your success in this life and in the hereafter.
Important note: all of the above needs your commitment to change. It will mean nothing if you do not come out of the shell of make believe and masquerades. Once and for all, you need to find the strength in yourself, value in yourself, understand yourself, love yourself, and only at this time, you can make decisions which are healthy for you, and you can prioritise and distinguish between the right and wrong companion and way of life. Now, you are on the road of success. It needs courage, honesty and sincerity to find and reveal the real you, and acknowledge the truth of yourself even if it may be ugly, just to obtain the right medication so that you can get back on the right track.
Six Simple Steps
Someone told me, this talk is very nice as a theory, but how do we implement it in practice, and what are the steps to come out of this situation?
IT IS AN OPENING FROM ALLAH. If you humble yourself enough and you want to break the cycle and come out of your multiple facades, I will give you the recipe:
Step 1:Get away from your current environment.
Step 2: Sever every attachment – be it job, career, your own love story. Give yourself a complete break - meaning no phone calls, communication or involvement in other people’s lives for a period of time. Spend time with yourself, free from the emotional chains of others, and consider this period of seclusion as your special rehab time.
Step 3: Be sincere in your intention. Discover yourself, be brutally honest about who you have become, establish your relationship with your Creator and beg him to guide you and show you the way. Remember if you are in a state of blindness, you cannot really see clearly and you will never be able to make the right judgment.
If you achieve the above three steps, the Creator will give you a new vision, understanding and perspective. He will allow you to see flaws and goodness in a new light. Be completely ready to discover that most, if not all, of the time, the things that you believed were good for you are actually not, and the ones that you believed were not good for you are actually good for you.
A photographer told me that everything is about lighting. What does this mean? You can only see and understand things in life according to the amount of light you receive from the Creator. The more light illuminates you, the more you have vision and the farther and clearer you can see. On the other hand, if you are in darkness, far away from light; your vision is completely obscured and you cannot find your way. Your decision and approach to things will never be stable and now you are on a roller coaster ride with Shaitan (the devil) and the wrong company, and you will destroy yourself. Exactly the way the sentence described, everything is about lighting. There are 30-40 verses in Qur'an about light; but all you need to do is to be in a dark and unfamiliar house. Try to move from room to room and see what will happen. Imagine now, you are moving in your life without light or guidance.
Step 4: Find someone you trust in his understanding of life and knowledge, and you are willing to share and open up and allow him to examine you, and be ready to listen to whatever he says, with an open heart. Implement his advice. Little by little, the fog in your life will be lifted, and sunrise, clarity and light will penetrate.
Step 5: I consider this the most critical point and I see many failing to achieve it. Once people develop a bad habit, it is very difficult to develop the strength to be able to overcome it. Look at alcoholics, smokers, drug users, or computer gamers. Once they become hooked, this compulsion becomes a weakness and they become slaves to their addiction. Similarly, you can also be addicted to your own ingrained habits: your way of doing things and interacting with people, or even the creation of your alter egos. To succeed and pass all of the above you have to be honest to your confidante, to yourself and most of all to your Creator. This is what Islam means by istiqama (steadfastness).
If you pass Step 5 with success, the rest is relatively easy. If you fail, you can do all the above, but deep inside you will regress to the same old pattern of behaviour, of splitting yourself into many facades, which is what happens to the majority.
Step 6:IMPORTANT NOTE: the secret advice of success.Get away completely from all the company you kept before the journey of discovering yourself. Give yourself an extra buffer because all of the above was a journey of discovering, developing, curing, and finding yourself. Now, you need the journey of strengthening before you immerse yourself back into your environment. If you reach this point with success, I promise you, in less than 2-3 months, everything in your life will change. This includes your vision and understanding, even about yourself.
You have to overcome emotional attachments of any previous relationships or any person or situation that adversely affects you. You can consider this phase as the intensive care unit dedicated for you, where you are susceptible to be re-infected. Therefore the environment has to be clean and uncontaminated, with no visitors, until you build the strength and emotional resilience to let your true self emerge, before you move to normality. Similarly, you have to go from steps 1-6, give yourself extra time and stabilize yourself before you can open any past topics or issues. This is mandatory, or otherwise you will be sucked into the same cycle that you were trying to escape and all your efforts will be undone.
Who then will be the loser, and who then will be successful?
Now you have to answer.
Follow up until you are ok
It is your life.