There are many junctures in life where we face stumbling blocks. When we aspire for something but fail, when we love someone and lose them, when we desire something which is denied to us, when someone we love has shattered our hearts, when an opportunity we chase escapes our grasp.
Sadness is an inevitable reaction when things do not work out the way that we had planned. It can be crippling, it is one of the most painful emotions known to man. No one is immune from its clutches, and no amount of money or material possession in the world can shield us against it.
The ability to experience emotions is a barometer of a person’s humanity. The human heart has the capacity to experience a range of emotions, the stirring of the heart in reaction to an incident which had touched us, is what makes us human. Our hearts respond with gladness and is lifted whenever some happiness enters our lives, the same way that it reels with pain whenever some bitterness taints our lives.
What is our fix for such sadness? It is common, even socially encouraged, for us to drown our sorrows by listening to music, going out for a good time, going for a holiday or splurging on a shopping trip. Whenever some personal disaster occurs, it is common for us to look to our close ones to confide in or to have a shoulder to cry on, and hope for that person to fix whatever is broken in our hearts. And there are other means, altogether more unhealthy, that we use to release all the built up stress of unhappiness. We reach out for a cigarette, drown our sorrows in food and drink, become excessive in our behaviour, pick up an obsessive new hobby, immerse ourselves in work and even indulge in forbidden pleasures.
We experiment with all these solutions in order to fix us, and sometimes we come out on the other side feeling as if our wounds have been salved. But the sadness only disappears temporarily. A quick fix is, by nature, a temporary solution. It is akin to using chewing gum instead of nails to mend broken furniture. The fix is cursory and unstable, and if put under pressure again, the whole thing comes undone and collapses in a miserable heap. This is the cycle that many of us face. We experience a period of distress, solve it by trying to glue our hearts together with some superficial comfort, and when the temporary adhesive wears off, our hearts fall apart again at the easiest of provocations. Our core remains empty and even if the sadness is forgotten for now, remnants of it still haunt our hearts, ready to emerge at the next tragedy.
We look for people and things to fix us, but we do not apply the one permanent fix which can cure us, and fill the misery and numbness in our hearts with contentment and joy.
CHASING THE WRONG DREAMS?
Have we ever wondered whether the reasons our dreams don’t come true is because we may be chasing the wrong dreams, and that the chase is backed up by the wrong guidelines? Whenever we aspire towards something, and whenever we achieve something in life, we feel as if a fundamental need has been fulfilled. We overlook the basic truth that nothing in this world is perfect and that nothing lasts forever.
Human beings by nature are flawed, and in turn, create flawed environments. No one lives eternally and nothing exists infinitely. We turn to find love in the wrong places and seek happiness from the wrong sources. We set certain benchmarks to satisfy our emotional needs, not realizing that these benchmarks themselves are flawed and temporary in nature. We form attachments to our dunia and the people in it. The goals which compel us towards achieving what we perceive as a successful life are in themselves hollow and fleeting.
Consequently, we find temporary happiness in our lives in the form of jobs, children, possessions, spouses – only we don’t realize they are temporary. We think them as the be all and end all, and if not achieved, a major component of our lives would have collapsed or have no meaning. Hence, we view each failure, each obstacle, each failed relationship, as catastrophic. We over react and accord these events more emphasis and importance than they deserve.
How can we peg our happiness onto people who in themselves are imperfect and have their own sadness and problems? When we do that, we are anchoring ourselves onto people who themselves are impermanent and erratic. Children grow up, personalities and feelings of spouses change over time, any job situation is dynamic, possessions get stolen or decay, the strong can become weak and the weak can become strong. Even our own temperaments alter over time in response to all the situations we face. Nothing is permanent, everything around us is in a constant state of flux.
And the reality is that, everybody that we form attachments to will sooner or later depart from us, whether voluntarily or through death.
If we keep chasing these temporary dreams and fixing ourselves on temporary situations in the false hope that they will give us permanent happiness, the inevitable result is that our dreams and our hearts will be broken again and again every time there is a change in circumstances. The cycle of sadness will continue.
FIX THE ANCHOR
If the universal truth is that mankind in flawed and unreliable, then wouldn’t it make sense to instead seek fulfillment from one who is perfect and constant? With one who does not change the rules, is not fickle minded in his love, the one who keeps his promises, and the one who doesn’t die?
There is only one sublime being matching such description. Allah swt. “He is Al-Awwal and Al-Akhir, Az Zahir and Al Batin. And He is the All-Knower of Everything.” (57:3)
If you fix your anchor upon a constant point, then in turn you will be chasing the right dreams, the only dreams that matter, and the most important goal that you should have in your life. The dreams of seeking Allah’s pleasure.
In striving towards such a goal, you will rise above the inevitable setbacks, disappointments and tragedies that you face in life. If your aim in life is aligned towards getting closer to Allah, striving to gain His love, you will never be alone, for Allah will be your constant protector and guardian. Your (real) friends are (no less than) Allah, His Messenger, and the (fellowship of) believers,- those who establish regular prayers and regular charity, and they bow down humbly (in worship) (5:55).
Thus, if you realign your priorities in life, you will come to a realization that circumstances can change, you will have love and lost – but you will not be paralysed with misery whenever a downturn occurs.
You will know that Allah will always be there for you, and that even if your world is on fire and everyone has turned his back on you, you will never be alone for as long as you remain steadfast towards Allah. Yes, you may still feel sadness at loss and grief, you will feel disappointment and frustrations – but you will also know with certainty that for as long as you rely on Allah, Allah will guide you until the turbulence has passed, and the fires have subsided.
If you fix the anchor, you will not only be stable, but you will always have an emotional safety net to catch you and keep extreme emotions under check when things aren’t going well. Even if unpleasant events continue to occur, you will find that your heart may be chipped by a bit of hurt, but it will not shatter the same way it did when your goal in life was to seek perfect happiness in dunia, instead of looking beyond at the larger and more fulfilling goal of seeking perfect happiness in the hereafter.
A PERMANENT FIX
Once we change our anchor from life in this dunia to Allah and life in the hereafter, we will realize that our motivations and internal driving force will change. For if our hearts are firmly fixed upon obtaining validation from Allah, we simply will not have time or inclination to dwell on our petty and inconsequential issues. If the love and alliance to Allah has given us a firm footing, we will not be blown away or crippled by the trivialities of this dunia.
Whenever a stumbling block appears in our paths, we will realize that it is a test from Allah, and as long as we apply the right criteria in reacting to the problems by having faith, patience and sincerity, Allah will be with us to guide us towards overcoming such obstacle. Instead of giving up whenever our way forward is obstructed, we will thank Allah for putting such obstructions in place, and turn to Allah to help us through. At every death, loss, disappointment, frustration, we will realize that such events happened for our own good and will strengthen us, not break us.
For every hope that is dashed and every opportunity that is lost, we will realize that it is for our best, if only we knew. Instead of losing hope or giving up, we will realize that for as long as we hold on to the rope of Allah, nothing is insurmountable.
We will constantly remind ourselves that everything in this life, and every situation is temporary, whatever comes upon will, be it good or bad, will pass like the shifting sands. Instead of letting our sadness control our existence, we will instead be able to control our sadness. With every tribulation that Allah places upon us, our hearts will fill with joy in the certain knowledge of every believer, that with every hardship comes ease. In the reliance of such knowledge, knowing that we have the best of Protectors, how can anyone feel sorrow?
So long as our relationship with Allah is firmly established and rooted in our hearts, we will no longer need to define our happiness by superficial dunia yardsticks that we inflict on ourselves.
And that is the permanent fix, not just some fleeting solution, but one that will make your heart sing, heal all the wounds that false hopes of this dunia inflicted on it, and will be our guiding light in this world and into the next.
