A Female v A Woman
In the early days, kings, princes and men of status, when they used to choose a wife or even buy a slave girl, beauty was not the only factor. Her knowledge, ability to communicate and convince, her awareness of the history and the surroundings, her skills in medicine, were all taken into account, not just her beauty and femininity. When you study in the history of mankind, some of the best leaders used to seek support and consultation from their own women. Everyone knows the saying; behind every great man is a great woman.
Today, we find out that the opposite is true. Where does this come from?
Historians in the early days used to say, if you want to know the power and strength and the future of any nation, see the condition of their own women.
There is a big difference between a female, a girl and a woman. A female is the biological terminology for the female of the species. A girl is a young female, who does not know what she wants in life. What then, is a woman or a lady? She is a female with a good character, a serious goal and responsibility, and who lives her life to fulfil her goal.
According to the Qur’an, the title of a woman denotes someone who carries the message of Allah, with full responsibility, with the willingness to devote and sacrifice her life for the message. The example in chapter 66, verses 10- 12 speaks for itself:
Allah presents an example of those who disbelieved: the wife of Noah and the wife of Lot. They were under two of Our righteous servants but betrayed them, so those prophets did not avail them from Allah at all, and it was said, “Enter the Fire with those who enter.”
And Allah presents an example of those who believed: the wife of Pharaoh, when she said, “My Lord, build for me near You a house in Paradise and save me from Pharaoh and his deeds and save me from the wrongdoing people.”
And [the example of] Maryam [Mary], the daughter of ‘Imran, who guarded her chastity, so We blew into [her garment] through Our angel, and she believed in the words of her Lord and His scriptures and was of the devoutly obedient.
The Qur’an gives us a spectrum of examples, starting with women who married the greatest of men but still had the highest level of disobedience, such as the wives of Nuh AS and Lut AS. On the other hand, Allah honours the wife of the Pharaoh by calling her a woman, for standing up against her husband, one of the worst tyrants in mankind, and standing firm for sabeelillah, the message and the belief, even when it led to her brutal torture and death. Further, the Qur’an shows that the ultimate journey in life, to obtain Allah’s pleasure, can be done without a husband, as was demonstrated by Maryam AS.
The Qur’an shows us the example of what being a true woman means.
Today, we are at the end of time. The ummah and mankind have developed a lot of diseases from colonialism, media brainwashing and propaganda, which promotes the female to be an airhead, competing in material status and chasing flashy lifestyles – but losing herself, her principles, belief and integrity in the process. The woman has been conditioned to become weak, vulnerable and easily manipulated, for a bigger goal, which is to weaken the nation.
In the early days, people used to say that teaching one woman is like teaching a nation. This is because of the role of women as the role models and educators of their children and the next generation. If we do the opposite and ignore the potential and role of the woman, we can destroy a nation, because any nation, and the future of any nation, is measured by the strength and the character of its own women.
A Male v A Man
Similar to women, when a man is not a man (as in he does not have the values, goals and aim in this life), he is just a biological male: hollow, vulnerable, weak, insecure, egotistical and empty.
What drives him? He would want to play the role of a man, but he does not have the qualities of one. The only way to give him assurance and to make him feel satisfied with his own character and superiority, is if he finds an equally hollow person to reinforce his own fantasy of manhood and being the one in control.
The man is supposed to be the developer and the maker of his own woman, not the breaker of his own woman. If he is empty inside and has nothing to give – in terms of values, character, guidance – it is easier for him to look for someone who is even more hollow than he is as his life partner. If he finds someone who possesses greater strength of character than he does, he will end up breaking her.
However, the woman is also partly responsible. It is a vicious cycle: she wants a material life, wealth and companionship, regardless of his manner, character and soul. If she does not develop her own qualities and character, and is content remaining airheaded and superficial, this is the kind of man who will be drawn to her.
If you find a woman who is really educated (this does not mean academic education – it means being educated with the values of Islam, being spiritually aware, living by sound principles rather than emotions, having good character and conduct, and knowing what she wants in life), this raises alarm bells for the male. He cannot handle her because he lacks the qualities to appreciate her values, resulting in him feeling inferior and resentful.
To make the drama worse, we raise our own sons to be spoilt, irresponsible, materialistic and demanding. These boys will one day be the future abuser of the women. Abuse here does not have to be as extreme as physical abuse – it is enough that we raise boys who, being devoid of character, are unable to lead their family units, and will ultimately destroy their women, and make them miserable instead of encouraging their potential for greatness. When these boys get married, they generate children who are worse than they are, because they themselves were not raised to know any better.
This is why today, we have a moral responsibility to stop this vicious cycle of this hollow production of human beings who are empty and useless. Instead, we can shape the next generation by focusing on raising people of quality and character.
Where do we start? We need to develop ourselves and stand up, and refuse to accept a man, except those who have the qualities of a man.
I Can’t Find Him
If you know what you want in life, then your checklist of the man that you want as your life partner will be very different. The focus will be on his manner instead of the car he drives, whether he has a good character rather than if he is a doctor or an engineer, his goal in life rather than his bank account. There are many good men out there, and you have to be critical of your integrity and assess what you want in life. For example, how many women have turned down men of excellent character because he can only afford a half carat diamond ring (and not the two carat diamonds that their cousins or friends wear) or wants a simple wedding instead of an extravagant celebration? Or he “failed” on the less important aspects – wrong accent, not tall enough, not handsome enough or not exciting enough. Time and time again, the need for the material and the superficial overwrite all else. All the material checklists satisfied, the woman still ends up feeling lonely and miserable, realising too late that the key to happiness does not lie in looks, physical looks or wealth.
What happens if you still cannot find such a man? If you have the strength and patience for it, find a male with character, and be ready to develop him and to make him a man.
If you compromise your goal, and marry anyone because you want a male in your life who fits the superficial criteria but is empty inside, you will be stuck. The reality is that if you are really a woman with integrity, knowledge and intelligence, such a person will break you. To survive, you will have to go to his level, mentally and intellectually.
There are many women who have beautiful character and integrity, but who marry males lacking quality. Years later, when the bloom and beauty of youth has faded, the woman looks downtrodden, has no confidence, personality or intellect, and behaves like a shadow of her former self. I asked one of them what happened to her, and she teared and told me that if she does not have a man of real quality as her husband, the only way for her to survive with what she has is to suppress her own qualities and be inferior to him. I asked her where she is now in life, and she teared more, and said, she was done, her true personality no longer exists, and this is the only way for her to cope with the marriage and survive.
If we continue this way, we are finished, individual, collective and nation. If you are not yet married, then pause and think hard about the kind of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, not just when you are young and happy, but you have to live the realities of life, and also what you want for your children. Then you will know that the men who are looking for airheads are not the ones that you need to achieve your goal in life, but rather, a man with substance who can lead and guide you to happiness in this life and the next.
