Two Goals in One Household?
What if one partner wants dunia, and the other wants akhirah? One partner wants to accomplish the deen, but the other partner is not convinced. What will the result be?
Whether your intended spouse is Muslim or about to become Muslim, there are people who only want material happiness. They are not ready for religion – any religion. If, during courtship, a person already tells you that he has no room for Allah in his life, or something similar, then take this as a clear warning sign.
If you are sincere and you want Allah in your life, how can you expect such a person to be your companion? He or she puts the religion on hold until some uncertain future date, which may never come to pass. You can convince yourself that the attitude will change over the years, but what if it doesn’t? Imagine when you have children, and they do not know which parent to follow. They see one parent observing salah, and the other parent encouraging them to take it easy. You try to put on the hijab a few years after marriage but your husband objects, claiming it was never part of the deal when you got married. You try to instill the love of Allah in your children, but your spouse undermines or sabotages your efforts. The entire family core will be permanently ruptured.
Some couples “solve” this problem by raising their children as atheists, allowing them to live on neutral territory with no religion until they are old enough to make that choice. If they have been brought up without any Islamic exposure, then what choice are they likely to make when they are adults? Imagine how many souls you have destroyed in the process, because of your love and desire.
On the other hand, there are those who, during courtship, promise their commitment to be for Allah, and then change their mind later on after the marriage. If you look at such people honestly, without being influenced by emotions and desire, deep down, you will know their sincerity, and you will know whether their promises were true or false. The clues in how they value the hereafter can be seen in their mannerisms, actions and effort (and in this, it means constant effort, even if done in very small steps) in going towards Allah, not their verbal persuasions. If they have no sincerity in their actions when it comes to God, then what sincerity in their actions will they have for you?
When we are in love, we are prone to believe whatever our loved one promises. However, our trust has to be supported by how the partner behaves, and not just what he or she says. If the warning signs have manifested themselves in the early stages, then you have to confront the reality from the beginning, including the truth of who you are, what you are willing to accept, and what you are willing to compromise. The correct decision is not always the easiest, and the test of your faith can come in many forms. By being wise in the beginning, you will save yourself from a lifetime of heartache.
Hence, if we are serious about our journey of iman, we have to be clear about it before we get married. After marriage, little can be done, unless by some miracle, Allah puts tranquility in both of you. In the majority of cases the opposite is true. The relationship is sour, the children are strayed and confused and society suffers the effect. What have you accomplished after all this?
