Human beings are imperfect, so do not harbour unrealistic expectations of them. We cannot expect them to be indispensible and indestructible. No one cannot be expected to be there for us for infinity. We should distinguish between the imperfections, mistakes and bad character.
If the other person has a moral character which does not match our values, then predictably, he will let us down. The damage is done, this friendship is going on a wrong road. Once we realize the truth of the person, we should stop, turn back and get back onto the right road with those we can rely upon.
Forgiveness and tolerance need judgment. If the person made a mistake, we should forgive. If the person had limitations, we should respect it. But at the same time, we should not tolerate repeat incidents – unpaid debts, consistently unreliable behaviour, broken promises, or continuous lies. We should not blind ourselves and reinforce all the prolonged abuse of the relationship under the banner of “friendship” or “loyalty”.
How to Choose and Distinguish?
Let us re-examine our expectations. If the relationship was shallow, it means that the bond was fake, the other person is fake, and maybe we too, are fake. We have to be united in core values, otherwise the rest will not match and the relationship will be short lived.
This goes back to the crux of any friendship. Does it benefit, or does it cause repeated agonies and crises? Friendship means we are bonded to each other, but what is the bond? What was the original goal in this friendship?
This topic is deep because your friendships will unfold according to who you are, your faith, integrity, goal in life and what you are looking for. The hollow person will attract a hollow companion, the deceiver will attract a deceiver, the sincere finds the sincere. Therefore, look to yourself as the starting point.
What does this mean? Be real, humble yourself, try to a journey of discovery, not of other person, but of yourself. What is your purpose of life? Who are you? What are your good and bad qualities? If you are planning for a company or a friend, how and what are you planning to give?
One of the early scholars said that if you find one real friend in your lifetime, you are lucky. If you find two, you are a liar. The fool is the one who has a good friend and loses him. The other is the one who doesn’t look to earn a good friendship in this life.
Keep seeking the right companion. Gaining one or losing one is not a problem, but which one do you gain, and which one do you lose? Every time you discover a friend is a fake or has no quality, do not consider it a loss, but rather, consider it a gain if that person is not in your life.
If we do not support and reinforce each other for the sake of goodness and enhancing our lives, if we do not benefit each other, what is the value of this relationship? This is not a question for anyone, but only for the mature, who can reflect on these issues and who wants to grow as a person.
Once you have found that friend, remember that one of the main elements of a relationship is to respect it and try to accommodate each other, to respect each other’s perspective in life and to grow together, instead of departure from each other at every turning point.
