If you find a woman who is really educated (this does not mean academic education – it means being educated with the values of Islam, being spiritually aware, living by sound principles rather than emotions, having good character and conduct, and knowing what she wants in life), this raises alarm bells for the male. He cannot handle her because he lacks the qualities to appreciate her values, resulting in him feeling inferior and resentful.
To make the drama worse, we raise our own sons to be spoilt, irresponsible, materialistic and demanding. These boys will one day be the future abuser of the women. Abuse here does not have to be as extreme as physical abuse – it is enough that we raise boys who, being devoid of character, are unable to lead their family units, and will ultimately destroy their women, and make them miserable instead of encouraging their potential for greatness. When these boys get married, they generate children who are worse than they are, because they themselves were not raised to know any better.
This is why today, we have a moral responsibility to stop this vicious cycle of this hollow production of human beings who are empty and useless. Instead, we can shape the next generation by focusing on raising people of quality and character.
Where do we start? We need to develop ourselves and stand up, and refuse to accept a man, except those who have the qualities of a man.
I Can’t Find Him
If you know what you want in life, then your checklist of the man that you want as your life partner will be very different. The focus will be on his manner instead of the car he drives, whether he has a good character rather than if he is a doctor or an engineer, his goal in life rather than his bank account. There are many good men out there, and you have to be critical of your integrity and assess what you want in life. For example, how many women have turned down men of excellent character because he can only afford a half carat diamond ring (and not the two carat diamonds that their cousins or friends wear) or wants a simple wedding instead of an extravagant celebration? Or he “failed” on the less important aspects – wrong accent, not tall enough, not handsome enough or not exciting enough. Time and time again, the need for the material and the superficial overwrite all else. All the material checklists satisfied, the woman still ends up feeling lonely and miserable, realising too late that the key to happiness does not lie in looks, physical looks or wealth.
What happens if you still cannot find such a man? If you have the strength and patience for it, find a male with character, and be ready to develop him and to make him a man.
If you compromise your goal, and marry anyone because you want a male in your life who fits the superficial criteria but is empty inside, you will be stuck. The reality is that if you are really a woman with integrity, knowledge and intelligence, such a person will break you. To survive, you will have to go to his level, mentally and intellectually.
There are many women who have beautiful character and integrity, but who marry males lacking quality. Years later, when the bloom and beauty of youth has faded, the woman looks downtrodden, has no confidence, personality or intellect, and behaves like a shadow of her former self. I asked one of them what happened to her, and she teared and told me that if she does not have a man of real quality as her husband, the only way for her to survive with what she has is to suppress her own qualities and be inferior to him. I asked her where she is now in life, and she teared more, and said, she was done, her true personality no longer exists, and this is the only way for her to cope with the marriage and survive.
If we continue this way, we are finished, individual, collective and nation. If you are not yet married, then pause and think hard about the kind of the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, not just when you are young and happy, but you have to live the realities of life, and also what you want for your children. Then you will know that the men who are looking for airheads are not the ones that you need to achieve your goal in life, but rather, a man with substance who can lead and guide you to happiness in this life and the next.
